What Does It Matter - Really?
Years ago I used to fish - A LOT!! Maybe too much. One day Gina came to me and told me that she was feeling alone and maybe a little abandoned by all of the fishing trips I was taking with my friend. I promptly ended the regular excursions and while I do occasionally wet a line, I don't really fish anymore.
That question, "What Does It Matter?" is a self assessment, not something to me said in an emotional conversation - where "what does it matter?" could be dismissive and hurtful, but a powerful tool to take a self check as to why it is that we are bothered by our partners hobbies, business, or how they spend their time.
Gina's dad is a bee keeper. Has been for a long time. Her siblings all keep bees now. A few years ago, I too got bees and loved them. They are gentle, soothing, and really pleasant to tend and watch. They are also very temperamental and hard to over winter. Winter die off is a real problem in bee keeping.
The cost of re-beeing a hive is about $100. Total cost to keep a hive fed and medicated through a season is maybe $50. The reward in a hundred pounds of honey far outweighs the cost. Not to mention the enjoyment of keeping those hives and tending the bees.
This past weekend I was talking with another beekeeper about their hives. The bees did not make it over winter. He and I were going to get bees together two weeks ago, and I was not ready to take them in. When I asked how the new bees were, I was told that none were purchased because his wife did not think it was a good expense, "they just die anyway, and it was a waste".
So, my question - "What Does It Matter - Really?" If keeping the bees, fishing, scrapbooking, or any other hobby, is not financially crippling the home, is not stripping time away that could be devoted to family, and the time is rewarding and rejuvenating to your spouse, "What does it matter?" The detrimental cost of not participating in the hobby can have deeper scars and resentments than the possible time that could be had or the few dollars that could be saved.
There are so many areas of a relationship parallel the keeping of bees. Running a business, going to work, time on the yard, the gym, gardening are all things I have heard couples complain about. Instead of looking at the positive that these give their partner and the boost that the receive from them, the activates are seen as an expense and a drain.
There are things that can be done. It begins with conversation. Much like our FREE Resource "Talk Your Way To Better Sex - Tonight!", coming together on this issue is often as simple as having an open conversation about what the hobby means to or gives to your spouse.
When Gina asked me about fishing I quit it all. I might fish 1 or two times a year now. That is not what she was asking me to do. Every weekend and a few mornings here and there was excessive. A weekend a month would have been great, but we did not discuss it. I just kept the peace and quit.
The most powerful thing a couple can do is talk about needs, feelings, and why they feel that they hobby is a drain. Before asking your partner to give something up, ask yourself why you want them to deny themselves that experience and ask them what it gives them. Few partners are truly selfish, but when we ask a spouse to stop an activity, without having the conversation, it is possibly the most selfish thing we can unintentionally do.
Get the resource and adapt the questions to fit your needs. Maybe it isn't sex but it is beekeeping that you need to address.
"Don't Let Business Bankrupt The Family." The business of life, the busy-ness that can take us away from the ones we love.
Bringing Joy and Abundance to families.
Brett (and Gina) Judd
P.S. Are yo getting the email RelationTIPS? These regular emails are loaded with relationship enhancing information and tools that will Make Marriages Worth Millions. www.FortunesandFamilies.com/relationTIPS is where you can find this free resource.
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Don't Let Business Bankrupt The Family - Make Marriages Worth Millions
